Hope
by unbrokensaviorwithperfecthair
Summary: *Spoilers for the midseason finale* Missing scenes from between Killian's death and the Nevengers heading to the Underworld.


A/N: The episode was… painful. I cried, and the only other time I cried when watching this show was when Pan's curse basically wiped out Storybrooke. But, I'm hopeful. I know Captain Swan will be okay, and I'm just really excited for 5B.

I don't own Once Upon a Time or its characters.

* * *

Snow's heart broke for her daughter as she and the other onlookers watched as Emma impaled Killian with Excalibur, the two crumpling to the ground as one.

Snow thought, for sure, that she felt her heart shatter as she and David held Emma back as the stretcher was wheeled away, though the paramedic had no sense of urgency for the dead man, only throwing a strange look at Emma until Killian's limp hand finally slipped out of her iron grip.

One by one, the group started leaving. Gold left first, not saying a word as he got to back to his true love. Robin and Regina, by some silent agreement, took Henry back to their house; though he wasn't a boy anymore, Henry didn't need to linger at the place where he'd just witnessed someone he cared about die.

And so Snow and David stood with Emma in their arms until they felt the blonde stir. Snow pulled back, still gripping her daughter's arms, and looked into her red, puffy eyes.

"Why don't you come back to the loft with us?"

Emma bit her quivering lip and shook her head.

"You shouldn't be alone right now, kiddo," David said softly.

"I just need some time," she said, staggering as she moved her foot back to gain more distance.

"Emma…"

With what she hoped was a small, reassuring smile, Emma poofed herself to her house, her magic once again back to its normal white color.

"David, what just happened?" Snow flung herself into David's arms, letting herself break down out of their daughter's sight. "How did this happen? We just watched Emma have to kill Killian… it's not fair. Out of anyone in his damn town, she deserves to be happy."

"I know," David said with a sigh, rubbing circles on her back. "I know."

* * *

Emma couldn't force herself to go to what was supposed to be _their_ bed. She didn't even want to be in the house at all. Because if it wasn't going to be _their_ house, she didn't want it. But she needed a safe place where she could simply be the woman who just had to kill her true love in order to save everyone.

Not that any of that was normal, not by a longshot, but it was better than everyone else expecting her to get on with her life and be the savior and act like nothing happened.

And so she collapsed on the couch, exhaustion taking over her body. She broke. She wailed. She screamed. At the river, she'd managed to stay fairly quiet, all things considered; growing up in foster care, she'd learned early on how to keep the gut wrenching, my‒sould‒is‒being‒sucked‒out‒of‒my‒body sobs silent. Showing that kind of weakness in group homes was asking to get your ass kicked, or worse, if the foster parents caught you.

But now, in the privacy of what was supposed to be their home, she let herself make whatever kind of ugly, primal noise she wanted. She briefly wondered how she was supposed to survive this, _if_ she could survive it. Her thoughts floated to Henry.

 _Henry_. She'd almost lost him again because of her mistakes. She knew she'd have to be strong for him; recently, he'd become very close with Killian, and she knew he was hurting. She remembered how hurt he'd been when Regina had shut him out after Robin chose Marian. She wouldn't do that to Henry, she decided.

But _dear lord_ she didn't think she could stop crying long enough to let him in without giving him a heart attack because the kid definitely did not need to see her like this. She clutched Killian's ring to her chest and whimpered. The tears fell faster and the last thing she remembered before falling asleep was screaming Killian's name at the top of her lungs.

* * *

Emma Swan was more than pissed. Furious didn't even begin to cover it, and even though she wasn't a Dark One anymore, she had half a mind to kill Gold anyway. He'd made Killian's sacrifice all for nothing. The whispering wasn't helping her mood, either.

She left the pawn shop more hopeful than pissed. She decided once all this was over and Killian was safely returned to her, she was going to punch Gold in the face for real.

* * *

"She isn't answering," Snow said the next morning.

"Maybe she's sleeping," David suggested. "After all, it's been nearly two months since she last slept."

"Maybe…" the brunette sighed, looking over at her sleep deprived husband, not that she suspected she looked any better. Neither she nor Charming had slept very good because they couldn't stop worrying about Emma. Luckily, for what little time they did sleep, Neal hadn't fussed. She looked down at the growing baby, who was currently situated in her arms. The baby babbled incoherently when the door opened, revealing Robin and Regina on the other side.

"Sorry to let ourselves in, we didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping," Regina said.

"If it helps, we brought breakfast," Robin offered, holding up a box of donuts. He followed Regina into the small apartment and shut the door behind him before opening the white box and putting it on the table.

"I'll get orange juice," Snow said, handing Neal off to David.

"It feels like we're making a plan to fix this," the prince said as he slowly swayed back and forth with the baby.

"Except there is no 'fixing this'," Regina said. "Hook's dead. Dead means dead. Believe me, I tried to find a way to bring Daniel back… it didn't work."

"After what Emma did for you in Camelot, you owe her to at least try to find a way. Daniel died because his heart was crushed; Killian died because of magic and Excalibur. There might be a loophole," Snow said as she placed a pitcher of orange juice and glasses on the table. "If anything, we need to figure out how to help her. Because loophole or no loophole, we're all here in each other's company mourning the loss of a friend, but she's god knows where all alone mourning her true love. And we all know what you did when Daniel died," she gave a pointed look to Regina. "Support would probably make a world of difference to her right now."

"But she's not me," the former queen said, busying herself with pouring a glass of orange juice so she wouldn't have to look at everyone. "Emma's stronger than me. If she didn't turn dark as the Dark One, I don't think she ever will."

"But look where being strong has gotten her," David pointed out. "She's always made the hard decisions. She's always been strong enough to put everyone before herself, even when it causes her the most pain. She took on the darkness to save everyone. She saved Robin. She took away all of our memories so she could save Hook and destroy the darkness once and for all, fully knowing we'd all turn against her because we didn't know what happened. And then she killed Hook to save us all _again_. And that's not counting all the other horrible things that have happened to her in these past two years. Thinking about it, we've never given her a moment to recover. We've always expected her to save us, time and time again, without a break. She's not a machine, she's _human_ , and at some point, she has to break. At some point, she has to say 'screw it' and stop being the savior. She's been good her entire life, always being selfless and helping people even when it hurts her. But at some point, she's going to realize all that's ever caused her is pain."

They all stood in silence, taking a moment to let the truth sink in. Henry descended from the top of the stairs, where he'd been eavesdropping (it annoyed him that even as a teenager, the adults still treated him as a child).

"But she has me," He said quietly. "I know my mom. She won't turn evil. In Camelot, only me and Killian could get Mr. Gold out of her head. And now Killian's gone, but… I'm still here."

"Henry," Regina chided, "how long have you been listening?"

"Long enough," Came his cheeky reply. "Is it true. Might there be a way to save Killian?"

"No," Regina quickly said, wanting to squash any of those thoughts out of his head.

"There's always hope, Henry," Snow said with a small smile, to which Regina rolled her eyes.

"Just don't say anything to Emma," the brunette said. "The last thing we need is her getting her hopes up only to be crushed."

The door opened and closed, though this time not as quietly.

"Emma?" Snow breathed, taking in her daughter's relatively put together appearance. She was dressed in the same clothes as yesterday, but she looked… okay. Which she was most definitely not yesterday, which led Snow to even more confusion. She knew Emma had a habit of going back into savior mode in the blink of an eye, but this was something else entirely.

"You having a party without me?" She quipped, plucking a bear claw from the box. She could feel everyone staring at her and, with her mouth full, said, "What?"

"Umm…" Snow blinked and shook her head, trying to formulate a response that didn't sound insensitive. She had a feeling 'you just seem perfectly fine for someone who just killed their boyfriend' wouldn't go over well.

"We just expected you to be, well, holed up in your house and refusing to see anyone," David said, kindly taking the lead for his still shocked wife.

" _God_ , I forgot how good food was," the blonde seemed to ignore him. "Everything tastes funny when you're a Dark One."

"Emma, what's going on?" Regina, as usual, cut right to the chase. "You are far too cheery after what happened."

"I mean, yeah, you're never this cheery," Robin lamely added, earning himself a glare from his girlfriend. He merely shrugged, hoping to convey he was just trying to help.

"I know how to get Killian back," she said, trying to sound casual. Regina resisted the urge to facepalm, and Snow's heart broke all over again. Still, she humored Emma.

"How?" the brunette asked.

OUAT

"You want to go to hell!?"

"The Underworld," Emma shrugged nonchalantly.

OUAT

Standing behind her daughter, Snow's heart soared as Emma said,

"I will find you, Hook. I will always find you."


End file.
